Purpose in Trials

I know that I’ve written about my knee surgery before, but I want to talk about it coming from a different angle. A few nights ago at my youth group we had a lesson on the purpose of obstacles in our lives. Afterwards we were encouraged to share an obstacle that God had put in our lives, and how we had changed because of it. That question really started me thinking about some of the major things I’ve gone through- my knee surgery being one of them.

I decided to look at the different aspects of my life surrounding the time I tore my ACL. For the couple of weeks prior, I had been going back and forth between whether or not I wanted to do the next show with my theatre group, or take a semester off. This decision was giving me a lot of anxiety. I felt as if whichever way I decided to go, I would regret my choice. So I had prayed for days- asking God what He thought I should do. I didn’t really expect a physical sign- but wow, did I get one.  Continue reading

Advertisements

Patience and Providence

My parents and I recently went to visit my sister in Pennsylvania. We had a nice visit and got to babysit my little 6-month old nephew! But our trip came to an end, and we had to come home. Let’s just say I came very close to about four breakdowns.

My dad is a pilot, so my family flies standby, meaning that we can get on flights for free as long as there are empty seats. So we were listed on a flight to Los Angeles and everything was looking good. Then they had to call in a reserve pilot (the original guy called in sick or fatigued or something) and the flight was delayed 2 hours until he could get to the airport. Then, once we were all on the airplane, weather issues caused the number of departures allowed to seriously decrease, and we ended up waiting in a line of airplanes on the runway for another 2 and a half hours. Then we were the first in line- nearly ready to go- and a lady couldn’t get her two year old to sit in his seat. The mom was trying really hard and I felt really bad for her, but because of flying regulations, the plane couldn’t take off until he was in his seat. But that wasn’t happening. Continue reading

The Esmeralda Project

Normally I wait to write a blog post until I think of a great idea- something going on in my life that I can share about. But for the past month and a half, nothing has come. But I knew there had to be at least something, so I started thinking. And I realized that there really was something right in front of me. So that’s what I’ll be writing about today.

In the fall, my theatre company is doing the Hunchback of Notre Dame, which is actually incredibly different from the Disney movie. Anyways, I want to be Esmerelda. I really want to be Esmeralda. So I made a plan this summer to get myself into ‘Esmeralda shape’- thus the Esmeralda project. But I decided to extend it to go further than just getting a part in a play. I decided that I wanted to use this plan to become the best version of myself I could be- not changing myself, but working to improve what I’ve already been given.  Continue reading

Belonging

I’ve always had difficulties fitting in. I grew up in a house full of 20-year-old college students (and my parents) and always felt sort of out of place with kids my age. All through elementary school and junior high I felt like people didn’t like me or accept me, so I avoided them, and became seriously antisocial. I had some friends at my church, but in the fifth grade we changed churches, and it took me a good four or five years to establish friendships there.

For a while in eighth and ninth grade I had some friends, but near the middle of ninth grade that feeling of being out of place crept up on me again. It got to the point where I decided to change schools (or rather, quit going to school- that’s when I decided to be fully homeschooled). I was kind of at an all time low, self-esteem-wise.  Continue reading

Amidst the Mayhem

June is production month. I’m talking about theatre, of course. June is when I drive an hour to the theatre every single day to either have a rehearsal, work the other cast’s rehearsal, have a show, or work a show. Every single day. Except Sundays. It’s kind of insane; fortunately I’m already out of school or else I might drop dead.

Unfortunately, I got a really terrible cold several days ago. First I got a fever (while I was working backstage) and while I suspected it, I didn’t know for sure until I got home. I then broke the fever in ten minutes by trying to sleep under like five blankets. The next day I felt fine, but the day after that I completely lost my voice. I couldn’t say a word. I communicated through sign language and in one specific case, lip reading (there’s an incredibly talented lip reader on my set crew). The day after that the rest of the cold hit me, and it was pretty horrible. And amidst all this I was still going to all my rehearsals.  Continue reading

Unapproachable

I often find myself becoming attached to people I know nothing about. Most of the time this happens at theatre- I see somebody, most likely a lead, and I think, ‘hey, that person’s pretty cool. I want to get to know them.’ So what usually ends up happening is that I start thinking about what it would be like to be this person’s friend, and in the process I end up becoming a little bit terrified of them. I have an unfortunate addiction to people who are seemingly just out of reach.

This ‘out of reach’ quality could be contrived by my brain for any of number of reasons- the person is way more talented than me, they have a larger friend group, or maybe they happen to be a really cute guy (in which case the out of reach quality is multiplied by about 10,000). Anyways, my point is that I always find some reason why this person wouldn’t want to be my friend, and thus I shy away from pursuing a friendship. They’re unapproachable. Or so it seems.  Continue reading

Appreciation

No, I actually haven’t completely disappeared off the face of the planet. Just temporarily. Hopefully I’m back to a more regular schedule now. In the past four months I’ve been on six trips, two of them to Europe, and I haven’t been at my house with my laptop very much. Also, finals. Anyways, the last trip I went on was to New York, where my parents and I stayed in a really tiny flat in Brooklyn. And I learned something in the two nights that we stayed there. Appreciation.  Continue reading