The Esmeralda Project

Normally I wait to write a blog post until I think of a great idea- something going on in my life that I can share about. But for the past month and a half, nothing has come. But I knew there had to be at least something, so I started thinking. And I realized that there really was something right in front of me. So that’s what I’ll be writing about today.

In the fall, my theatre company is doing the Hunchback of Notre Dame, which is actually incredibly different from the Disney movie. Anyways, I want to be Esmerelda. I really want to be Esmeralda. So I made a plan this summer to get myself into ‘Esmeralda shape’- thus the Esmeralda project. But I decided to extend it to go further than just getting a part in a play. I decided that I wanted to use this plan to become the best version of myself I could be- not changing myself, but working to improve what I’ve already been given.  Continue reading

Belonging

I’ve always had difficulties fitting in. I grew up in a house full of 20-year-old college students (and my parents) and always felt sort of out of place with kids my age. All through elementary school and junior high I felt like people didn’t like me or accept me, so I avoided them, and became seriously antisocial. I had some friends at my church, but in the fifth grade we changed churches, and it took me a good four or five years to establish friendships there.

For a while in eighth and ninth grade I had some friends, but near the middle of ninth grade that feeling of being out of place crept up on me again. It got to the point where I decided to change schools (or rather, quit going to school- that’s when I decided to be fully homeschooled). I was kind of at an all time low, self-esteem-wise.  Continue reading

Amidst the Mayhem

June is production month. I’m talking about theatre, of course. June is when I drive an hour to the theatre every single day to either have a rehearsal, work the other cast’s rehearsal, have a show, or work a show. Every single day. Except Sundays. It’s kind of insane; fortunately I’m already out of school or else I might drop dead.

Unfortunately, I got a really terrible cold several days ago. First I got a fever (while I was working backstage) and while I suspected it, I didn’t know for sure until I got home. I then broke the fever in ten minutes by trying to sleep under like five blankets. The next day I felt fine, but the day after that I completely lost my voice. I couldn’t say a word. I communicated through sign language and in one specific case, lip reading (there’s an incredibly talented lip reader on my set crew). The day after that the rest of the cold hit me, and it was pretty horrible. And amidst all this I was still going to all my rehearsals.  Continue reading

Unapproachable

I often find myself becoming attached to people I know nothing about. Most of the time this happens at theatre- I see somebody, most likely a lead, and I think, ‘hey, that person’s pretty cool. I want to get to know them.’ So what usually ends up happening is that I start thinking about what it would be like to be this person’s friend, and in the process I end up becoming a little bit terrified of them. I have an unfortunate addiction to people who are seemingly just out of reach.

This ‘out of reach’ quality could be contrived by my brain for any of number of reasons- the person is way more talented than me, they have a larger friend group, or maybe they happen to be a really cute guy (in which case the out of reach quality is multiplied by about 10,000). Anyways, my point is that I always find some reason why this person wouldn’t want to be my friend, and thus I shy away from pursuing a friendship. They’re unapproachable. Or so it seems.  Continue reading

Appreciation

No, I actually haven’t completely disappeared off the face of the planet. Just temporarily. Hopefully I’m back to a more regular schedule now. In the past four months I’ve been on six trips, two of them to Europe, and I haven’t been at my house with my laptop very much. Also, finals. Anyways, the last trip I went on was to New York, where my parents and I stayed in a really tiny flat in Brooklyn. And I learned something in the two nights that we stayed there. Appreciation.  Continue reading

Proper Introductions

You know, I just realized, I never properly introduced myself. I started this blog one night after I had knee surgery because I needed to do something to keep my mind off the pain. I never actually thought I would stick with it for more than a few weeks. But it’s been seven months now, so I think it’s about time for a bit of a backstory.

I’ve lived in SoCal my entire life, but I’d really like to believe I don’t fit the Orange County white girl stereotype. I’m a sophomore in high school and not quite 16 yet. I have three siblings, all of which are at least 12 years older than me, two of which are married, one of which has a baby. They’re scattered across the country (and across the world, in one of their cases), which is one of the reasons I travel so much. The other reason is that my dad is a pilot.

I really like to write (I think that’s probably an unnecessary statement at this point), and I love musical theatre. I’m also a bit of a nerd, and I spend a good amount of my free time teaching myself anatomy and organic chemistry. I’m also seriously introverted, and I have approximately two friends. They’re really close friends though, so it’s okay.

Both of my parents are Christian, and so I was raised in a Christian household. But it wasn’t really until I was 12 or 13 that I started to take my faith seriously. I was dealing with a lot of thyroid-related health issues and had a radioactive treatment done to basically kill my thyroid gland. I was really scared, and it was during that time that I really learned to depend on Christ and place Him at the center of my life.

Well, I think that’s about all you need to know about me. The rest you can sort of gather from the other things I’ve written. Anyways, thank you all for sticking around and reading my blog, and I hope you’ll continue to enjoy some of my adventures with me!

P.S. I truly can’t think of a good Bible verse to sum this up. So instead, here’s a generally wonderful one.

“Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good, for His steadfast love endures forever!” – Psalm 107:1

Passing By

I am reminded how fleeting life is.

A few days ago, a boy from my high school was killed in a motorcycle accident. He would have graduated next month. I didn’t really know him, but my friend Lena had a huge crush on him. How odd that the girl who nearly died had a crush on the boy who did die. I cannot imagine the pain that his family must be feeling right now.

Sometimes I feel like we as Christians shouldn’t be downtraught when a fellow believer dies- we’ll be seeing them again in heaven, right? And while we do certainly have that hope, it doesn’t mean that the grief is cancelled out. 

Life comes and goes in an instant. The only thing we can trust in to stay the same is God. He is the reason that we have the hope of eternal life. I don’t know why He allowed David to be killed. I don’t have the answers to questions that big. But I do believe there was a reason, and it’s all I can do to trust in Him. It’s all any of us can do. With a world that changes all too quickly, it only makes sense to place our dependance and our hope in the one thing that never does.

I realise this post was a bit all over the place, as I’m a little shaken up, and I apologise for that. I just felt this was something I needed to share.

Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust in the name of the Lord our God. – Psalm 20:7