I’ll admit it- I have had a crush on many a boy in my life so far. Somewhat recently though, there have been a few noteworthy instances. And while they’ve been full of ridiculous teenage drama and probably a lot of hormones, I’ve learned some pretty important lessons from them.
First there was this guy from my church. I was a little head over heels for him, and I made it known to an unfortunate amount of people. Unfortunately, this guy was completely impartial to my existence, even though I go to a very tiny church and he definitely knew who I was. We were on the worship team together. I followed him on Instagram; he never followed me back. I tried to talk to him; he escaped the conversations. So I took drastic action- the wrong kind.
I wound up trying to change myself so that this guy would notice me more. I bought clothes that I thought were more his style. I wore quite a bit of makeup (which is something I usually dislike doing) and I tried to get myself into stuff that I thought he liked so I could talk to him about it. I wasn’t myself anymore. And I was incredibly, incredibly unhappy.
That’s when God showed me that I shouldn’t have to change myself for anyone. Once I got away from that guy and started staying true to myself again, I was happier and a lot less self-conscious.
Then started school again. And there was this guy in one of my classes. And me, being the slightly boy-crazy girl I am, fell for him a little. This time, things were practically the opposite. This guy actually seemed to be interested in me. We had a lot of conversations and started texting each other, quite a bit. And so I learned that it is possible for guys to exist that like the unchanged version of me.
As time went on I became more and more certain that this guy did indeed like me. And as I became more and more certain, I became more and more uneasy. I finally decided to take some time to think about what was going on, and I realized that I really don’t want a boyfriend right now. I’m only in high school- I have plenty of time for that stuff later on. There are other things I want to do with my life before I settle down, and I want to be able to do those things without attachments. I think I finally realized that my worth truly isn’t based off of how many or which guys like me. My worth comes from my identity in Christ.
“I adjure you, O daughters of Jerusalem, that you not stir up or awaken love until the time is right.” – Song of Solomon 8:4