A Place For Talents

I had a piano recital last Saturday, and I royally screwed up. Okay, maybe not royally. Let’s just say, I wasn’t completely happy with how I played. My piece was a fifteen minute Beethoven sonata played from memory, which allows a lot of room for mistakes to be made. Anyways, I spent the next several days sulking. I didn’t feel good about the performance, and in turn, I didn’t feel good about myself. I’ve always known that I don’t play half as well as I usually can at recitals- it’s just something about all those people.

Directly after the recital, I went home and straight upstairs into my room, where I remained, wallowing in self-pity. I’ve always placed a lot of stock into playing the piano, and when my performances don’t go as I’d like, it crushes my soul a little bit. I end up telling myself that I’m just horrible at the piano, and everything, really. Then today happened.  Continue reading

Grudges and Forgiveness

Recently, a little drama went down in my chemistry class. I guess you could say things got a little explosive (insert that little drum sound effect that happens after punchlines here). I’m sorry. I’m aware that I’m bad at jokes, and I’ll try to steer clear of them in the future. Anyways, I’m going to give you a heads-up that for anyone no longer in high school, this story will seem completely trivial. But these things are a big deal to us teenagers.

We had this group project in chemistry class. It was pretty simple- do some research on a topic off of a list, write up a presentation, make a poster-board, etc. We all had partners, so it wasn’t technically a group project, I suppose. Anyways, I’m… really smart, and everyone knows it. I’ve learned to dread group projects because I’m that person that is constantly taken advantage of when it comes to them. But because I’m also a bit of a pushover, I usually comply and let the rest of my group take the credit for the work I’ve done.  Continue reading

Firm Foundations

“My identity is found in Christ, not in this world.” I’ve often said these words to myself, whether they were out loud or just in my head being dependent on the situation. They’re just words- I could tell myself anything, such as, “I’m beautiful just the way I am,” or “I am unique and loved.” But I’ve chosen these specific words for a specific reason, one that I’d like to share.

I’ve always had some self-esteem issues. I used to tell myself things such as the two examples I mentioned above, but I saw no change. They really were just words, and they didn’t have any effect on me. And it was then that I realized I was looking for affirmation in all the wrong places.  Continue reading

Suck It Up

Several months ago, my knee surgeon told me that I would be able to audition for my theatre company’s next production in February, as long as I didn’t do things like jumping, running, or anything that would put too much stress on my knee. It was some of the best news I had received in a long time, as I had to miss out on the last show because of my surgery.

But we still had to ask the directors and make sure that I would be able to audition when my knee wouldn’t be at its full capacity for a few more months. I fully expected them to say that it was totally alright- I guess I got my hopes up after we talked to the surgeon. But it wasn’t alright. The directors told me that it would be in my best interest to sign up for the ensemble rather than audition for a lead, as the leads would need to be in top physical condition right off the bat. And I wouldn’t be.

When I heard this, I was bitter and upset. I didn’t get much done that day- my parents told me the unfortunate news in the morning and I spent the remaining hours wallowing in my self-pity. I was determined to stay bitter and just miss out on this show and wait until the Fall production.  Continue reading


I think I’ve been bottling things up lately. Not really on purpose- mostly due to a lack of opportunity to release everything. I’ve had a diary consistently for the past seven years now, and writing has become my outlet to which I ‘let it all out.’ But I’ve been too busy lately. My sister had a baby, I went to London (I’ve been on way too many airplanes in the past month), I’ve had an incredible amount of homework, I got used by a guy in my chemistry class for a good grade on a group project (who I used to be a bit head-over-heels for, I might add), etc etc. Things have been happening. And I haven’t written about a single one of them.

When I neglect to take the time to process everything that’s happened during the day, or even the week, the effects tend to manifest themselves physically. I get knots in my shoulders, I get exhausted, and my temperament becomes a bit irascible. Well, these things have been occurring quite a lot throughout the past month, so I finally decided I needed to do something about it.  Continue reading

Shut-Down Mode

Sometimes I wish I could shut down for a bit. Not sleep for a long time or chill out on the couch for a few hours, but shut down. Just stop. (If at this point you’re wondering what the difference is between sleeping and shutting down, I’ll just say that there is one but I have no idea how to explain it.) These times when I want to shut down usually occur when I’m really exhausted- a reasonable cause and effect. 

This particular time, I’ve just flown back from London and it has been quite a crazy day. Unfortunately I’m not at my own house yet- I’m at my sister’s for a bit and then going home. This adds to the feeling of exhaustion and of being generally overwhelmed. (At this point I’ll apologize if this post makes no sense; I’ve been awake for a very long time now and my brain is sort of a mess). 

I think this is a pretty ordinary thing- the need to shut down temporarily. Maybe we need signs to stick on our foreheads: TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES. PLEASE WAIT.
Fortunately, there is an excellent and easily accessible way to get the rejuvenation required for a system reboot. That way is through God. I think that taking time to rest in Him is the key. And that can come in a lot of different forms. Reading the Bible and praying are two of the more obvious ones. But even things like telling God about your day and what made it so crazy can, surprisingly, have quite the positive effect.

So I encourage you, the next time you’re ready to shut down, to take a few moments and rest in the peace that God provides. Also maybe take a nap. Naps work wonders.

“Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” – Matthew 11:28-30

Boy Problems

I’ll admit it- I have had a crush on many a boy in my life so far. Somewhat recently though, there have been a few noteworthy instances. And while they’ve been full of ridiculous teenage drama and probably a lot of hormones, I’ve learned some pretty important lessons from them.

First there was this guy from my church. I was a little head over heels for him, and I made it known to an unfortunate amount of people. Unfortunately, this guy was completely impartial to my existence, even though I go to a very tiny church and he definitely knew who I was. We were on the worship team together. I followed him on Instagram; he never followed me back. I tried to talk to him; he escaped the conversations. So I took drastic action- the wrong kind.  Continue reading