Belonging

I’ve always had difficulties fitting in. I grew up in a house full of 20-year-old college students (and my parents) and always felt sort of out of place with kids my age. All through elementary school and junior high I felt like people didn’t like me or accept me, so I avoided them, and became seriously antisocial. I had some friends at my church, but in the fifth grade we changed churches, and it took me a good four or five years to establish friendships there.

For a while in eighth and ninth grade I had some friends, but near the middle of ninth grade that feeling of being out of place crept up on me again. It got to the point where I decided to change schools (or rather, quit going to school- that’s when I decided to be fully homeschooled). I was kind of at an all time low, self-esteem-wise.  Continue reading

Amidst the Mayhem

June is production month. I’m talking about theatre, of course. June is when I drive an hour to the theatre every single day to either have a rehearsal, work the other cast’s rehearsal, have a show, or work a show. Every single day. Except Sundays. It’s kind of insane; fortunately I’m already out of school or else I might drop dead.

Unfortunately, I got a really terrible cold several days ago. First I got a fever (while I was working backstage) and while I suspected it, I didn’t know for sure until I got home. I then broke the fever in ten minutes by trying to sleep under like five blankets. The next day I felt fine, but the day after that I completely lost my voice. I couldn’t say a word. I communicated through sign language and in one specific case, lip reading (there’s an incredibly talented lip reader on my set crew). The day after that the rest of the cold hit me, and it was pretty horrible. And amidst all this I was still going to all my rehearsals.  Continue reading

Proper Introductions

You know, I just realized, I never properly introduced myself. I started this blog one night after I had knee surgery because I needed to do something to keep my mind off the pain. I never actually thought I would stick with it for more than a few weeks. But it’s been seven months now, so I think it’s about time for a bit of a backstory.

I’ve lived in SoCal my entire life, but I’d really like to believe I don’t fit the Orange County white girl stereotype. I’m a sophomore in high school and not quite 16 yet. I have three siblings, all of which are at least 12 years older than me, two of which are married, one of which has a baby. They’re scattered across the country (and across the world, in one of their cases), which is one of the reasons I travel so much. The other reason is that my dad is a pilot.

I really like to write (I think that’s probably an unnecessary statement at this point), and I love musical theatre. I’m also a bit of a nerd, and I spend a good amount of my free time teaching myself anatomy and organic chemistry. I’m also seriously introverted, and I have approximately two friends. They’re really close friends though, so it’s okay.

Both of my parents are Christian, and so I was raised in a Christian household. But it wasn’t really until I was 12 or 13 that I started to take my faith seriously. I was dealing with a lot of thyroid-related health issues and had a radioactive treatment done to basically kill my thyroid gland. I was really scared, and it was during that time that I really learned to depend on Christ and place Him at the center of my life.

Well, I think that’s about all you need to know about me. The rest you can sort of gather from the other things I’ve written. Anyways, thank you all for sticking around and reading my blog, and I hope you’ll continue to enjoy some of my adventures with me!

P.S. I truly can’t think of a good Bible verse to sum this up. So instead, here’s a generally wonderful one.

“Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good, for His steadfast love endures forever!” – Psalm 107:1

Passing By

I am reminded how fleeting life is.

A few days ago, a boy from my high school was killed in a motorcycle accident. He would have graduated next month. I didn’t really know him, but my friend Lena had a huge crush on him. How odd that the girl who nearly died had a crush on the boy who did die. I cannot imagine the pain that his family must be feeling right now.

Sometimes I feel like we as Christians shouldn’t be downtraught when a fellow believer dies- we’ll be seeing them again in heaven, right? And while we do certainly have that hope, it doesn’t mean that the grief is cancelled out. 

Life comes and goes in an instant. The only thing we can trust in to stay the same is God. He is the reason that we have the hope of eternal life. I don’t know why He allowed David to be killed. I don’t have the answers to questions that big. But I do believe there was a reason, and it’s all I can do to trust in Him. It’s all any of us can do. With a world that changes all too quickly, it only makes sense to place our dependance and our hope in the one thing that never does.

I realise this post was a bit all over the place, as I’m a little shaken up, and I apologise for that. I just felt this was something I needed to share.

Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust in the name of the Lord our God. – Psalm 20:7

A Place For Talents

I had a piano recital last Saturday, and I royally screwed up. Okay, maybe not royally. Let’s just say, I wasn’t completely happy with how I played. My piece was a fifteen minute Beethoven sonata played from memory, which allows a lot of room for mistakes to be made. Anyways, I spent the next several days sulking. I didn’t feel good about the performance, and in turn, I didn’t feel good about myself. I’ve always known that I don’t play half as well as I usually can at recitals- it’s just something about all those people.

Directly after the recital, I went home and straight upstairs into my room, where I remained, wallowing in self-pity. I’ve always placed a lot of stock into playing the piano, and when my performances don’t go as I’d like, it crushes my soul a little bit. I end up telling myself that I’m just horrible at the piano, and everything, really. Then today happened.  Continue reading

Shut-Down Mode

Sometimes I wish I could shut down for a bit. Not sleep for a long time or chill out on the couch for a few hours, but shut down. Just stop. (If at this point you’re wondering what the difference is between sleeping and shutting down, I’ll just say that there is one but I have no idea how to explain it.) These times when I want to shut down usually occur when I’m really exhausted- a reasonable cause and effect. 

This particular time, I’ve just flown back from London and it has been quite a crazy day. Unfortunately I’m not at my own house yet- I’m at my sister’s for a bit and then going home. This adds to the feeling of exhaustion and of being generally overwhelmed. (At this point I’ll apologize if this post makes no sense; I’ve been awake for a very long time now and my brain is sort of a mess). 

I think this is a pretty ordinary thing- the need to shut down temporarily. Maybe we need signs to stick on our foreheads: TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES. PLEASE WAIT.
Fortunately, there is an excellent and easily accessible way to get the rejuvenation required for a system reboot. That way is through God. I think that taking time to rest in Him is the key. And that can come in a lot of different forms. Reading the Bible and praying are two of the more obvious ones. But even things like telling God about your day and what made it so crazy can, surprisingly, have quite the positive effect.

So I encourage you, the next time you’re ready to shut down, to take a few moments and rest in the peace that God provides. Also maybe take a nap. Naps work wonders.

“Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” – Matthew 11:28-30

Boy Problems

I’ll admit it- I have had a crush on many a boy in my life so far. Somewhat recently though, there have been a few noteworthy instances. And while they’ve been full of ridiculous teenage drama and probably a lot of hormones, I’ve learned some pretty important lessons from them.

First there was this guy from my church. I was a little head over heels for him, and I made it known to an unfortunate amount of people. Unfortunately, this guy was completely impartial to my existence, even though I go to a very tiny church and he definitely knew who I was. We were on the worship team together. I followed him on Instagram; he never followed me back. I tried to talk to him; he escaped the conversations. So I took drastic action- the wrong kind.  Continue reading